[Editor's NOTE: An engineering friend passed on this article. The following humorous detailing of the physics involved does not take into account the way that time is divided, sub-divided, and divided continually. You know: hours: minutes: seconds: tenths of seconds: hundredths of seconds, etc. Santa simply uses smaller time slices. As Santa does not really pay attention to the math involved, he just does it! -- Santa Walter]
Subject: Is There a Santa Claus: An Engineer’s Perspective
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second – 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.
Even granting that the “flying” reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can’t be done with eight or even nine of them – Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 g’s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he’s dead now. With this in mind, we wish you a Merry Christmas.
–
Randy Duke
A Visit From St. Nicholas
So who really wrote the classic poem we all know and love so well?
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro’ the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar plums danc’d in their heads,
And Mama in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap –
[Thanks to ClassBrain.com for clarification on the origin of the classic poem.]
The poem was originally attributed to Clement Clarke Moore, but it is now thought to be the work of Major Henry Livingston Jr. (1748-1828)
First publication date: 23 December 1823
Source: The Toronto Library
Source URL: http://rpo.library.utoronto.ca/poem/1312.html
The following notes are courtesy of the Toronto Library:
- In the year 2000, Don Foster, an English professor at Vassar College in Poughkeepsie, New York, used external and internal evidence to show that Clement Clarke Moore could not have been the author of this poem, but that it was probably the work of Livingston, and that Moore had written another, and almost forgotten, Christmas piece, “Old Santeclaus.” Foster’s analysis of this deception appears in his Author Unknown: On the Trail of Anonymous (New York: Henry Holt, 2000): 221-75.
- [Dunder and Blixem were] Later revised to “Donder and Blitzen” by Clement Clarke Moore when he took credit for the poem in Poems (New York: Bartlett and Welford, 1844).
Notes copyright © 2005, Ian Lancashire for the Department of English, University of Toronto.
Every season Santa Walter donates an appearance to a good cause as a fund raiser. This past season, the donation was to an Oakland school, and the high bidder is a wonderful family that is excited about a visit from Santa!
Santa Fundraiser Donation
After careful research and thoughtful analysis, Santa is arriving with the white gloves; however, takes them off and uses hand sanitizer to help control the spead of the flu. By offering sanitizer for children waiting and by spraying Santa’s hands for each visitor, we are offering the best all-round solution.
The Washington Post article “CDC connects H1N1, severe bacterial infections” helped shape our policy. In a related article on Daily Record.COM, “Santa Walter is president of the Santas of Northern California, and he’s advising members to ditch the traditional white gloves in favor of frequent hand-washing and applications of spray sanitizer.” Another publication, CourierPostOnline.com, asks, “Santa at high risk for H1N1?”
We at Santa For Events are doing our best to avoid spreading N1H1. We hope for a Merry Christmas for everyone, especially any who come down sick during this season.
Father Christmas with Puppy Dog
Photos of past Santa visits are available online. All pictures are available for downloading and printing for personal use only.
Santa For Events
Santa For Events has been making appearances for the Christmas season since 2003, with an extensive client list. That first season featured Santa Walter as Father Christmas for Mirasou Winery’s last Dickinson Christmas Festival and also appearing as Santa at a Wells Fargo branch grand opening, along with a few ‘pro-bono’ school appearances.
In 2008, the visits by Santa Walter totaled 64 appearances from intimate family visits, public appearances on the street, to large-scale company parties and lots of variety in between. Pictures from recent seasons are available: http://picasaweb.google.com/Santaforevents. 
This season, Santa Walter is being joined by his brother, Santa Charles. (When meeting people together for the first time, often the brothers are asked if they are twins!) Santa Walter is a school teacher with extensive experience dealing with children, while Santa Charles is a retired psychotherapist dealing with hundreds of children through the years. Both love chatting with children, entertaining everyone, checking on naughty or nice behavior, and generally having fun!
Father Christmas in Willow Glen '08
With the stunning green cape and the traditional wreath, Santa Walter transforms into Father Christmas as needed. Other options and variations are also available, as well as a variety of props. Santa For Events offers a broad range of services.
Santa For Events are taking reservations for Christmas 2009, and already have many repeat as well as new customer bookings. No deposit is needed once of firm date and time are confirmed. Weekends are especially pop
ular.
During the weekday, contact us about discounts that are available for those wishing a visit from Santa and/or Mrs. Claus.
- Mrs. Claus, Willow Glen ’08
In discussing marketing with others, it became crystal clear that showing a marketing plan and its implementation as a case study is much more productive. So, Santa Walter has decided to give away his marketing plan for Christmas 2009 and reference all of the materials that have helped in its development.
Key Point: Marketing Plan = ONE page
One key point of a marketing plan is that it must be manageable, something easily referred to, something that might be printed out and put under clear plastic on your desktop so you see it and refer back to it regularly. On a weekly basis, it is a good thing to check back. Within a few minutes, Santa Walter’s marketing plan for Santa4Events is published on its own page (see menu bar).
Marketing Resources: Giving Credit Where Credit is Due
Several people and resources have helped refresh my college courses [Cornell University, '75 School of Hotel Administration]. The Communicatrix, Colleen Wainwright, who decided on one title once she reached 3 hyphenated titles, is the Pied Piper who revealed the overview and the ins-and-outs of Social Network Marketing. Her webinar was incredibly empowering and inspirational. (If you ever have a chance to sit in one of her presentations, GRAB IT!). Once I found her, then Marketing-Mentor came into focus, since Colleen collaborates with Ilise Benum and Peleg. Of particular help was Marketing-Mentor’s Calendar. Even though it is already May, it is still VERY helpful, consider buying it. Really. What she has done is built a week-by-week and month-by-month set of checklists of important to-do’s, processes, and procedures. She has the processes listed in a rough set of priorities, with chiding reminders to help us stay focused.
Pick One Lane To Drive In: Company Parties
It seems so obvious; however, just because I can do this and I can do that, and that over there, too, does not mean that I should. Pick one. Since Santa4Events has just celebrated 5 seasons with Santa Walter making appearances, there are a lot of clients who have already booked for next year, as well as those who are word-of-mouth referrals from satisified clients. Within that core; however, Santa Walter has been driving hundreds of miles back and forth, retracing freeway miles on different days. This year, let’s go for new business that is closer to home: company parties in Silicon Valley. Even though the economic conditions seem dire, the twist is this: Companies who have spent a lot on lavish dinner parties for their employees, can increase employee satisfaction by offering a subsidized family Christmas event.
Since I don’t routinely do this sort of upgrade, it took a while; however, everything seems to be up and running. The look of the site may be a bit strange for a few hours or days as options are explored for theme upgrades, photos, etc.
